Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
