your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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