omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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