I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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