She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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