I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
