I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
