I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I smell like Dick and happiness
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