if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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