i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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