I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
