How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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