I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
