Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
