May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
