And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
