why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
