someone threw a dead crab at me
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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