i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He uses pillows to masturbate.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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