got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
