What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
