No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
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Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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