I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Found the puke drawer
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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