i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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