Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
