I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Randomize
