He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
