I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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