he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
