Do you still have your period?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
