You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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