Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
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He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
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Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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