You really coming over, don't trick.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
