Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
