I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
