I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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