He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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