There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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