I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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