lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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