I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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