I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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