not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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