You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
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