when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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