I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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