Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I think my vagina is haunted
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
