ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
