I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
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There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
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Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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