So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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