i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
