matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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