I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
