A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Randomize
