O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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