Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Everclear isn't food dammit
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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