my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Randomize
