I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
