his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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