You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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