I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
