You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
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i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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