Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
