i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
