now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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