i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
