they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
she peed on how many people?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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