If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
