he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
