Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
