I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
