I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
