i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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