too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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