We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
