there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
