Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
