can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
