being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
