So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
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Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
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I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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