your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize