I must be too annoying 4 u.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
