38 yer olds are good kisserssss
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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