I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
zippers are such a cool invention
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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