im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
