Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
