you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
