You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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