i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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