is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
