dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
