I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
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I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
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I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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