hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
