i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
